It is impossible to be happy alone. The verse immortalized by Tom Jobim in the song Wave values the importance of living together. Loneliness Lonely people are seen as unhappy. There is a lot of research that talks about the evils of loneliness. High blood pressure, obesity, inflammation, cognitive problems with memory and learning are all related to it. Researchers say that being alone for long periods of time can be fatal.

Loneliness increases the risk of death by 14% in the elderly, especially the poorest, according to a study by psychologist John Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago (USA). The research took place during the years 2010 and 2013 and evaluated more than 2,000 people over the age of 55.

Loneliness also affects children. Ever smaller families, the limitations of big cities, including violence, prevent children from playing outside. To pass the time, they stay at home and play with technological gadgets and interact with their friends through messaging apps.

Not having anyone around is seen as a condemnation. In order not to suffer from this evil, some people cultivate friendships that don't add anything, go to parties and parties to avoid spending the weekend at home, embark on destructive relationships, and end up as lonely, or even lonelier, than the truly lonely.

What causes loneliness?

Loneliness can be caused by numerous factors, depending on the life and experience of each person. Still, we can list some of them:

1) Shyness

Shyness is a discomfort that a person feels in social situations. In some cases, this discomfort can prevent him from expressing what he thinks and feels. In other situations, it can make it difficult to start and maintain interpersonal relationships. As a consequence, the shy person is likely to avoid social events.

However, there are many levels of shyness. An individual can be more shy with someone he doesn't know and feel very comfortable with someone he already has a friendly relationship with, for example. There are those who can lose their shyness with time and those who will have it all their life.

2) Focus on personal development

In a capitalist society, competitiveness is essential. It is from competition that companies and people develop their own capabilities and seek an increase in performance. So the focus on personal development is a necessity in the context in which we live.

Unfortunately, when a person spends too much time with himself, studying, working or traveling, it is more difficult to interact with others. Lack of time and tiredness can reduce relationships momentarily or more permanently, depending on each case.

3) Traumas

Throughout life, a person can experience a series of traumas. In childhood or adolescence, for example, many individuals suffer bullying and other types of violence. These negative experiences can give the impression that there are no good people in the world or that every relationship will be harmful in some way.

In this way, traumas are one of the causes of loneliness. To protect themselves from possible suffering, a person may isolate themselves from others, believing that this is the only way to be safe. In this case, it is essential to seek psychological help to better deal with these troubling issues.

4) Social phobia

Social phobia is a chronic mental illness that causes a person to feel excessively anxious at social events. Even if there is no risk to their life, they feel threatened and cannot keep calm or interact with others normally. So isolating themselves seems a better option.

In order to diagnose this problem, it is necessary to seek medical help. Only a professional can indicate the appropriate treatment for those who suffer from this problem, as well as investigate the causes of the disease.

Solitude

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But it is important to point out that aloneness is essentially something positive. It is when a person feels good about who he is and is comfortable living in his own skin. In other words, he doesn't owe satisfactions to others, doesn't get tied down by social impositions and feels complete with his own company. After all, we can also live good moments alone!

The brain of the lonely

Another research, from 2020, pointed out an interesting fact about loneliness in society. Researchers Norman Li and Satoshi Kanazawa published in the British Journal of Psychology that very intelligent people do not feel as happy when they are with other individuals.

The explanation for this lies in the savanna theory of happiness. According to it, smarter people have a lower tendency to follow common behaviors, which are more present in a group of individuals.

On the other hand, less intelligent people follow patterns already established by society, and find it easier to interact with groups. In this way, they are more sociable, as were the people that preceded them, who lived in the savannah.

Therefore, if an individual is very intelligent, he will probably not identify with the values and behaviors reproduced by a large group of people. He will feel happier if he is alone, living according to his own beliefs.

The Benefits of Solitude

Robert Lang, from the University of Nevada (Las Vegas), an expert in social dynamics, states that loneliness will become more and more frequent as marriages are increasingly postponed, the divorce rate will increase and people are living longer. This trend has many enthusiasts. In her autobiography Mujer en Guerra (not translated into Portuguese), the Spanish writer and journalistMaruja Torres talked about the pleasure it is to sleep alone, with her legs and arms in X.

Francesca Zama / Pexels

Sociologist Eric Klinenberg, New York University defends the benefits of being alone. The author of the research GOING SOLO: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone (Being Alone: The Extraordinary and Amazing Appeal of Living Alone) points out that living alone means living healthier relationships, for, a person in this situation knows that it is better to be alone than in bad company, as the famous saying goes.

Sociologist Erin Cornwell, of Cornell University in Ithaca, New York, studied people over 35 who live alone and found that they make more outings with friends. Sociologist Benjamin Cornwell's research published in American Sociological Review points out that people who live alone have more friends.

Being alone: creativity and innovation

You know that shy friend who prefers to work alone? You wonder why he always gets good grades and does amazing things? Introversion explains it, according to Susan Cain, author of Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking. Susan is categorical, creativity and innovationshow their apex in individuals who hate crowds.

It goes against the grain of those who defend group living as a great source of creativity. If we do a little research, we see that great minds belonged to solitary people. Darwin, creator of the Theory of Evolution, loved to walk alone in the woods and didn't go to parties. Steve Wozniak developed Apple's first computer alone, inside a cubicle in his workplace, theHewlett Packard, better known as HP, the giant of the computer and printer market.

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Alone but free

How many times have you said or done something just to please a group of friends, co-workers, or family members? When we interact with many people, we feel the need for acceptance, and because of this, we conduct our behaviors to what the majority would approve of.

Although this strategy helps us in many situations, it can also compromise our authenticity. When we are alone, we don't need to meet other people's expectations, direct our tastes, and control what we say or do. We are free to be ourselves.

This is the only way to discover what your tastes are, what you believe in, and what you think, far from social impositions and the fear of others' judgments.

Mental hygiene

Modern life is full of stimuli: people talking, loud music, car horns, the internet, all steal our concentration. Being alone clears your mind and brings you to a stage of self-connection, which in turn relieves stress. Putting your emotions on paper can also be part of this mental hygiene.

Helps prioritize

When we are alone, we put out of our minds everything that is not important. We think about what is relevant to us and set goals on how to achieve our objectives.

Independence

By being alone, without other people to guide or help us, we develop our independence. This process can be scary at first, but it is what helps us develop our capabilities and get to know ourselves better.

Even solitude is a way to have more stability, since no other individual can shake our plans. This doesn't mean that we will never ask for help, but it will show us that we are capable of managing most problems with patience and courage, even when it comes to making difficult decisions.

And the independence that comes from being alone is also an emotional independence. When we live with other people, we project our emotions and our expectations onto them, which can cause a lot of frustration. Alone, however, we learn to deal better with what we feel, without depending on others to make us feel good.

Productivity

Steve Wozniak created the first Apple computer all by himself in a cubicle inside HP, the company where he worked. See how being alone increases your productivity? Even if you are not a scientist or engineer, you may very well use the alone moments to dedicate to hobbies.

It is even strange to talk about benefits of loneliness. It is always seen as something sad and associated with existential emptiness. However, being alone is a great way to find your essence. It is the moment when the masks come off. When we are alone, we think about what we do, how we do it, and why we do it. As we enter this process of self-knowledge, some questions will arise, such as:

• What gives me pleasure?
• What is the best place in the world?
• Will the problems that plague me today carry weight tomorrow?
• What was the last dream I realized? How long ago was it?

During this time alone, do this basic Pranayama breathing exercise. The technique is common to yoga practitioners. They count from 6 to 8 times, and the exercise calms the nervous system, stimulates concentration, and reduces stress.

• Inhale through your nose and count from 1 to 4
• Exhale through your nose and count from 1 to 4

Another breathing exercise used in yoga is the Abdominal Breathing Technique.

• Place one hand on your chest and another on your abdomen
• Inhale deeply through the nose. The diaphragm and the chest must not be filled with air
• Breathe 6 to 10 times a minute

The practice of this exercise for 8 weeks already brings benefits to body and mind .

Arthur Brognoli / Pexels

We must not be afraid of loneliness. It is not the absence of company, there are couples who live isolated from each other, people who have many friends on social networks, but are unbearably lonely. Think about it before you feel sorry for a person who is not surrounded by friends. Don't you suffer from loneliness? backwards?

Take advantage of every opportunity to be in his company. Find out what is going on in your mind and in your heart. Find out what is bad for you, work out strategies to clean out this emotional garbage. Improve your talents and let new skills come to the surface. You will be pleasantly surprised.

Solitude allows us to recover "the taste for silence and the mastery of time," Javier Urra, Spanish psychologist.