When you are in a relationship, or even just casually connecting with someone, what is important to you in the relationship? Do you like to hear passionate declarations, or does nothing compare to hugging and intimate relationships with your love? Or is giving and receiving gifts showing that you care, in your opinion?

So none of these demonstrations of affection and love represent more or less love, because each of them is more or less important, in different measures, to each of us. That is why it is important to know each of the languages of love to understand how we behave and what our expectations are. Understand!

What is the language of love?

The theory of the 5 love languages was proposed by relationship counselor Gary Chapman. According to him, there are five basic languages through which love is understood and expressed. In short, it means that the way you receive and express love is different from someone else's, and that's okay!

Therefore, according to Chapman, throughout our development, in childhood, adolescence and even adulthood, we are "shaping" this language of love. But it is important to understand that this is not something immutable.

You may have experienced, for example, living in a relationship where intimate moments and sexuality were essential. And then, in another relationship, the sex was lukewarm, but the presence of the person and their desire to be together, helping you in your life, was more important than what happened in bed.

In short, having knowledge of the languages of love allows us, above all, to read our moment, that is, which way of expressing and manifesting love is more important or makes more sense at the present moment. And also, of course, helps us to understand which one makes more sense for your partner.

What are the five languages of love?

Below is a list of Chapman's 5 love languages, along with practical examples:

Words of affirmation

Compliments, statements, affirmations, encouragement, and words of affection are the most important things for someone with this love language. In other words, this means that communication and love manifested in phrases, messages, and so on are very important to this person.

"Love, you can trust me," "I love being with you," and "Today was amazing" are some of the statements this type of person loves to hear and say, and this is how they usually express and receive love. So you may find it difficult when relating to someone who is not very romantic or skilled with words.

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Gifts

The person who follows this love language expresses his love and feels loved when he gives and/or receives something from his beloved. What matters here is not the financial or material value of the gift, but the fact that there was dedication and care when choosing and finally delivering the gift.

It can be a thousand-dollar piece of jewelry, or just "love, I passed the candy store and stopped to buy you a truffle", it doesn't matter. What matters is that this person will feel extremely loved when receiving something. And maybe it will be even more enjoyable for them to give something to their loved one.

Gestures of service

These are people for whom words alone do not mean much. They express what they feel and feel loved in their everyday gestures, that is, when they actually do something to help their beloved or feel that their beloved does the same for them.

So a dishwasher so that the person doesn't have to worry about it, the partner who helps the other to clean the house even if they don't live together just to give them a hand, accompany them or go to the market for the person... In short, it is in actions and gestures that love is manifested in this language.

Quality Time

For this person, it matters little what program will be the one that will bring her/his partner together, because what matters is that they are together, simple as that. Words, gifts, touch, all of this may be important to her/him, but just being close is enough.

Want to go to the movies? Let's go. Plan a trip? Let's go. Spend the weekend without stepping foot in the house? Let's go! Or spend the two days of the weekend lying around doing nothing? Valid too. After all, what matters is to be close to the one you love, so the program is the least of your worries.

Physical Touch

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For these people, words, gifts, and time together may be important, but it is through touch that they feel loved. Kisses, hugs, lap time, sexual intercourse, caressing of the body, holding hands, all of this is important to them.

Relationships that are more lukewarm in the physical sense fail to keep them, like that partner who doesn't have such a high libido or who doesn't like public displays of affection. For them, their partner's body is almost like a temple that deserves worship - and they want to feel that theirs is too.

How to discover your main love language?

There is no possible test to find out what your love language is. What you can do is think about and analyze your love relationships, either present or past, to uncover when you have felt more or less loved. Also, thinking about what you feel you never had/received that would be important is helpful.

So think about whether that relationship where there was more sex and less romantic statements or more statements and less little gifts and help on the day were good, were better and/or made more sense to you.

How to use the five love languages to your advantage?

Self-knowledge is not an end. Self-knowledge is the path that will take you where you want to go. The more you know what makes you feel good and loved, the less risk you will run of getting involved in relationships that deliver less than you deserve. Furthermore, it helps you understand, in fact, how to be happy in a relationship.

Additionally, having knowledge of the 5 love languages will help you to better "read" your partners, identifying what is most important to them and how you can manifest your feelings for them in a way that makes them feel loved.

Many people, upon learning about the theory of the 5 languages of love, believe that they should only look for partners who have the same language, but this is not true! As long as all members of the relationship are aware of what their partners like and make an effort to manifest love, it can work out.

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And remember: dialogue is not only important, but essential! Expecting a person to find out exactly what you think and feel is a common recipe for relationship failure, so calmly and gently tell them about what you like to give and receive, how you like to do it, and listen to the other side as well.

In short, knowing the language(s) of love that makes more sense to you is one more step in your journey of self-knowledge, because it will provide your life with healthier relationships that bring more of that feeling of "fulfillment" that only a light and harmonious love can bring.