Lack of appreciation or the feeling of being disdained by someone is something we all experience in our lives. Contempt is something that causes us discomfort and, at high intensity, can even lead to more serious problems, such as strong frustration, anxiety and depression. So how can we face this feeling in the sanest and healthiest way possible? Read the article and find out.

How to deal with contempt?

1 - Recognize your own qualities

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You have to look at yourself and your qualities. If this seems like a difficult task, seek the help of a friend and ask him or her to tell you what your strengths are.

Know that your positive attributes are those that remind you that you are not so unworthy as to be despised, but that you are someone who has unique and singular qualities.

You must allow space for your self-knowledge as a unique and special person, not for others' scorn and self-loathing.

2 - We all have problems and defects

No human being in the world is perfect, and having problems and flaws is not something that should make you feel reduced and despised. On the contrary, you should embrace and understand them.

It's not something you can do only with yourself, but with other people as well, because the attitude of listening and trying to be the other's comfort also helps a lot. Remember: we all have flaws and no one should be despised for that.

3 - What is behind the contempt?

The feeling of being scorned can be experienced in a number of environments and situations: in the family, in the job market, among friends, and, of course, in love. In short, we live in a society where love and romantic relationships play a central role in our lives, and people who have a stable relationship are considered successful.

The problem with this is that many people end up staying in relationships that are not healthy just for the status that being in a relationship brings. In the midst of these "social obligations", many people get stuck in feelings where what should be light and good, love, becomes difficult and complicated, like contempt.

In short, our loving partner should do us good: increase our self-esteem, our confidence, celebrate our victories and achievements with us, keep us company, and respect our individual space. If what happens is the opposite of this, there is no love: there is abuse, control, cruelty, and even contempt. After all, no one who loves you will mistreat you intentionally, right?

For this reason, many people, when they take the courage to leave relationships like this, end up suffering more than when they were in the relationship, because they realize that they were despised by the person they loved - and it is even worse when, even having suffered so much, they are dismissed by the person they love and see the relationship end.

When this happens, there is nothing that can be done but to go through a great reflection and a process of self-knowledge to get rid of the idea that love is synonymous with contempt. It will be necessary to re-signify love, to understand that what that person felt for you is not love.

And this process can be greatly facilitated by psychotherapy. It is essential to seek professional help to put your ideas in place and leave behind traumas, discomforts, and pain, resignifying wrong beliefs, such as that love needs to be difficult and painful.

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4 - Why does contempt hurt?

Even those who are introverts and spend a lot of time with themselves and less time surrounded by people take the other's opinion into consideration. We live in a society, so it is impossible that the opinions and thoughts of others do not affect and influence what we think of ourselves.

So, as much as we talk about self-knowledge and about forming our own self-esteem, what we hear from people, especially from those we like, directly influences what we think about ourselves. To be despised by someone, especially by someone for whom we have feelings, causes a very strong pain.

And this pain comes from the fact that it is natural for human beings to want to be liked and admired. Nobody gives a gift to another person expecting to hear: "Um, I didn't like it", for example. We give gifts to people because we want them to be happy with our gift and, above all, with our attitude of giving.

Therefore, it is possible to say that our self-esteem and our self-love are directly related to what people think of us; after all, how can we consider ourselves a good person if everyone tells us that we are not? Even though the outside does not form our self-esteem, it has the function of validating it.

Is this a good thing? Of course not always. It would be great if we could form an opinion about ourselves and not let this opinion be shaken by other people's thoughts, but unfortunately this is not how we work. And this is where the pain caused by contempt comes in.

When we go to meet someone expecting something and what they give us is different from what we are expecting or think we deserve, it hurts. It hurts because it disappoints us and makes us think, "I thought I was deserving of this, but I realize I'm not." It shatters our self-esteem and our self-love.

5 - Don't return contempt with contempt

Being patient is a virtue even against contempt. You should not act impulsively, but, on the contrary, you should be patient and wait. You never know what the other person is thinking, and sometimes you may be drawing the wrong conclusions about people.

By returning contempt to a supposed contempt, you are only feeding a never-ending cycle. Ideally, therefore, you should act differently, because only then will you understand what actually happens.

6 - Treat others well and don't despise them

Sometimes a person's supposed contempt is triggered by the way you deal with him or her. Knowing this, you should always be aware of the way in which you treat people, without judging and despising them unnecessarily.

Just like you, these other people also have their uniquenesses and strengths that can provide valuable lessons for your life, so don't despise or devalue anyone.

7 - Let off steam about how you feel

If contempt causes you a lot of bitterness, you don't have to shut yourself off. Seek someone to talk to, but never lock yourself in, because feelings can frustrate you and lock you in a never-ending cycle of frustration and anguish.

Also, it is good that you listen to the opinion and words of someone who really values you. The view of a third party is important for us to reflect on, comparing it with our own, in order to get the best attitude to take against contempt.

8 - Seek dialogue with those who despise you

Dialogue is always the best way. When you feel comfortable, try to talk to that person who despises you: act confident, carry a smile on your face, and try to clarify your feelings about the situation.

If this person insists on showing you contempt and disgust, continue to treat them with love and wisdom. Of course, there is a limit to everything, and you should not humiliate yourself in order to obtain any forgiveness or consideration from this other person.

9 - Self-love conquers others' contempt

Even if someone offers you contempt and tries to affect you negatively with mean words, you are someone unique and special.

Don't let misinterpretations about your person define you and affect you, because only you know who you are and no one can invade your true inner self and what you really are.

Cultivate self-love, understand your qualities and cherish them instead of letting negative words and dislike dominate your inner self.

Have you ever heard of emotional intelligence? In short, emotional intelligence is the ability to "manage" negative emotions.our lives.

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Despite the suggestions and tips, you should never underestimate your emotional problems. It doesn't matter if it's about feeling despised, bitter, anxious or sad: if you feel uncomfortable, emotionally frustrated and feel that things are not going well, encourage yourself and seek professional help. It's important to respect and never despise the other person, but you should also respect yourself and never despise yourself.despise for what you are.