Forgiving and knowing how to give in are, for sure, virtues. As for the first, it is important to think that forgiving oneself and others is a noble act and extremely necessary to move forward in several life situations. It is only through this act that we can recognize our mistakes (as well as understand the mistakes of other people) and access a way to become peoplebetter.

However, being too self-indulgent or even being extremely tolerant of others' mistakes can trap us and bring unpleasant consequences. This is because being too forgiving and giving in too much can make us permissive. And a permissive person faces dilemmas and problems that go along with issues such as insecurity, lack of self-respect, and passivity (the latter,in the negative sense).

What is a permissive person?

In short, to be a permissive person is to not know how to say "no". Usually, to please others and because they don't know how to face rejection, the permissive person accepts and accepts everything that is directed to them - requests, favors, invitations, etc. They say "yes" to that friend who borrowed money, they say "yes" to the crush who insisted on exchanging some intimacy, they say "yes" to someone toxic in their life, and so on.

In this wave of asserting so many questions that he wanted to deny, the permissive person is constantly trapping himself in uncomfortable situations, which are bad for him. This brings serious psychological consequences not only in the short term, but also in the long term, since being so passive in social relationships can leave lifelong after-effects. By allowing everything to everyone and always, this personYou are also allowing yourself to be abused and disrespected, giving you an opening to take advantage of this goodwill.

Are laziness and permissiveness the same thing?

Laziness and permissiveness are not necessarily the same thing, but one can certainly lead to the other. Laziness, time and again, can result in the affirmation of an unwanted "yes", and this has probably happened to every person at least once in their life.

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Sometimes, we are too lazy to refute something or someone, or we find it too much work to justify and support our sincere "no", so we simply give in and end up getting involved in some situation that we initially didn't want. So far, so good! For the time being, we end up facing that situation to make an average with someone dear to us or to end once and for all with something thatWe had been stalling for a long time.

The problem is when this becomes routine, and, even worse: when we become unable to get around it and face the real answers to our wants. This is when we give in to permissiveness, which can be really harmful to our mental health, our relationships, and our life.

Is over-forgiveness a problem?

Knowing how to apologize, both to oneself and to others, is a noble act that allows many paths to be cleared and to move forward, contributing to various processes and relationships in our lives. However, as much as it is known that nothing in excess is good for us, the excess of forgiveness also culminates in negative consequences for those who apologize too much.

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This is because when we forgive someone too much, we get them used to making mistakes with us. For example: the person you are dating wavers all the time with you, but you always give in and end up forgiving them, without them facing the consequences of their own mistake. Then they will keep wavering because they know that in the end they will always have your forgiveness and come out unscathed from their failures. And this also applies to our relationshipwith ourselves.

When we are too self-indulgent, we prevent ourselves from evolving. Tolerating our mistakes too much and setting ourselves up as victims of every situation are symptoms of self-sabotage. While we forgive ourselves all the time, thinking we are killing ourselves by respecting our limits and our mental health, we are actually doubting our own ability to act in different ways. To grow andchange as human beings in constant process and mutation.

How to forgive yourself without being permissive?

Although you shouldn't over-forgive yourself, it's also unhealthy to go to the other extreme of this, being too hard on yourself and not letting any of your faults go. It's important that there is a balance: that you know how to demand of yourself, without leaning towards intense self-charging, but that you also know how to forgive yourself, without becoming a permissive person.

The answer to "How to forgive yourself without being permissive?" is actually an answer that can only come from you, in the face of what you see possibilities within your own life. Keep in mind that you need, above all, to respect yourself at all times. This includes respecting your processes ofAnd, before you go around forgiving everything you do, out of "pity" for yourself (which is what happens most of the time), rationalize.

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When it's time to face your mistakes, ask yourself if you really didn't have a way out or if you could have found another alternative. And the most important of all: also be aware for the next times similar things happen, so that you are awake and aware of your own attitudes, trying not to fall into the same mistakes.

How to forget without being permissive?

In the same way as the previous question of knowing how to forgive yourself without becoming a permissive person, forgetting and overcoming something without falling into permissiveness is about observing yourself and understanding the difference between what is acceptable in your life and what crosses a line to the point of being harmful to you.

You don't have to go around forgetting all the times you've been wronged in order to be a mature and well-resolved person. In fact, being a mature and well-resolved person works the other way around: you have to know how to set limits. Don't let anything cross the line of your boundaries, and take your time to work through situations that have hurt you or upset you.

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On the other hand, if someone else's mistake is something that doesn't affect you so much, and can be forgotten, let go of it and don't waste time, detach yourself from this other person's mistake. Again, the important thing is to always be aware of how things reverberate within yourself, respecting yourself.

Is the fear of change also a problem?

Fear makes it impossible for us to take many journeys that are essential to our trajectory of personal evolution. Although it is positive to keep us alert and avoid conflicts, it can be a big problem. Within the subject of permissiveness, the fear of change and of facing life by saying good "no" may be preventing you from reaching goals of paramount importance in your life.

Do you know a person who seems to be too nice? Someone who never bothers about anything, never sets limits to others, accepting any kind of behavior? At a first glance, this individual is a pleasant company, since he does everything for others, forgives all mistakes and never complains about anything. But is this person really happy? To reflect on this subject, youyou need to understand what a permissive person is and why you shouldn't be. Based on the information we have separated, analyze how you have been behaving in order to prioritize your well-being. Change your behavior, if necessary!

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You are telling yourself that you are not capable of change; you are afraid of change and that is, yes, a problem that plagues you. As painful and challenging as it is, stepping out of your comfort zone and facing change isDress with courage and then you will be surprised at the results that this movement will bring you!

Having said all this, we conclude that yes, you need to be tolerant of yourself and others, but you also need to be sensible and judge if something is harming you (whether it is coming from the outside, from the actions of others, or from yourself). To not be permissive, therefore, you need to not allow yourself to be harmed or to cause yourself harm at the expense of your own health and well-being. Therefore, it isyou need to learn right now to say "no" to what is bad for you.