The ways of loving are in constant transformation. People are always searching for new ways of relating that match their style and purpose in life.

Although monogamy is considered the standard for relationships in most societies, it has been challenged by many couples, as well as by experts such as psychologists and sociologists.

Of course, for most couples, the mere thought of their partner getting involved with someone else is already a cause for jealousy and insecurity. But even though we cannot predict how relationships will be in the future, the consensus is that we are going through a period of transition.

Currently, non-monogamy has been the subject of the most diverse discussions, especially on social networks. More and more, traditional marriage is no longer the dream and the life goal of the new generations.

Even though they are increasingly common, non-monogamous relationship models still raise some doubts and many people don't understand exactly how they work. Since knowing is the best way to form an opinion about something, let's get to the definition of the different types of relationships.

What is monogamy?

Monogamy is a form of sexual and/or romantic relationship in which a person has only one partner. It can remain for a lifetime or for a specific period, established from marriage or any stable relationship.

Monogamy is seen as the standard model for relationships, the most accepted form of relationship in our society. Monogamous relationships are therefore related to fidelity and exclusivity.

In nature, monogamy is related to an animal remaining with a single partner for its entire life, usually for reproductive purposes and to share the care of offspring. This behavior is commonly seen, for example, in some bird species, wolves, and gibbons.

However, monogamy has not always been the natural pattern for human beings. Scholars in the fields of biology, sociology and history argue that monogamy is only present in 3% of mammals.

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Monogamy began to emerge about 5,000 years ago, when humans stopped being nomadic and started living in small farming communities, consolidating from socioeconomic changes throughout history.

According to the philosopher Friedrich Engels, in his book "The Origin of the Family, Private Society and the State", since the agricultural revolution men have accumulated more land and wealth. Therefore, they needed to be sure about the paternity of their children, so that the inheritance could be left to their offspring in the future.

The larger the communities became, the more monogamy became a form of contract in which each man would be more guaranteed that "his" wife would only have sex with him.

Therefore, for Engels, monogamy is not something natural, but a social construction that works as a form of female gender control, besides being directly related to private property.

What is non-monogamy?

Non-monogamy is the opposite of monogamy, but its definition cannot be seen in this simplistic way, especially when we talk about human relationships and their complexities.

To understand non-monogamy, we must understand that a non-monogamous relationship is based on each individual's freedom of choice. It has a questioning character about the way monogamous relationships are established in society.

Unlike monogamy, a non-monogamous relationship does not have affective and/or sexual exclusivity between partners. Each person can be romantically and sexually involved with more than one person at the same time, but not necessarily together with his/her partner.

For a long time, "open relationship" was seen as an alternative lifestyle, as in polyamory, where three or more people get involved and relate to each other with the knowledge and consent of all involved.

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Although polyamory is a type of relationship that breaks the monogamous pattern, each non-monogamous relationship is unique and its rules are defined according to the parties involved.

This can be a relationship in which there is affective exclusivity between two people and, at the same time, freedom for each side to relate sexually to another partner. Here, the idea is that it is possible to meet and get involved with others without this affecting the main love relationship.

There is also the possibility of a non-monogamous relationship in which there is no sexual or affective exclusivity between the couple, that is, each one can relate to whoever they want in whatever way they want, with or without the permission of the other.

What counts is dialogue

Contrary to what common sense believes, non-monogamy is not restricted to feminist or LGBT groups, nor is it the "salvation" for marital strife or the ultimate solution to end couple jealousy.

Dialog is essential in any kind of love relationship, and it would be no different with non-monogamous ones. The main purpose of this kind of relationship is not only to break patterns, but to respect the feelings and the individual choices of each one.

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It is valid to question, for example, the high rate of infidelity in monogamous relationships, in which the partners do not talk to each other and continue with the relationship only because of a social imposition.

Non-monogamy understands that loyalty and fidelity in a relationship go beyond involvement with one other person. It's about being self-aware and following your own desires, but respecting your neighbor and making the rules clear at all times.

All parties involved in this type of relationship need to know and agree to the agreements, which can be questioned and modified at any time. The key word is consent.

Society has always covered up and minimized betrayals when it is the man who betrays his wife, but if the woman betrays her partner, the judgments are much more violent. Therefore, non-monogamy cannot be separated from greater sexual freedom for women.

We human beings have relationships in many different ways, and we feel love in different intensities throughout our lives. When we meet the right person, there is no right or wrong way to have a relationship, as long as there are no secrets and lies, and the conversation is always open and frank.

It is up to each one to decide how to guide his or her relationship, and it is not because non-monogamy presupposes no exclusivity that there can be no breach of trust. Nor does it mean that love is less.

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Love is, above all, a choice. It is the choice to be next to the one who makes you feel good. Within any relationship, whether monogamous or not, the most important thing is that respect and trust are never lost.